Sunday, May 22, 2005
I dont become moody on purpose. I just feel the way I do at times. I guess I been a little frowny these days. Dont ask me why, cause I really dont know why. I cant explain. Sometimes you just feel the way you do, no reason behind that.
I always have little serious talks with him....which in return makes one party (or both of us) being sad or feeling a little off. I dont do it on purpose. I dont frown on purpose. I just frown. I dont know why but I know I always frown. No wonder pimples are starting to pop out in between my eyebrows. Sheesh....oh well no more sweet things for me. I have been eating quite alot lately. I feel BIG. Maybe thats why I am moody. I feel ugly. Period.
Please dont doubt my care and concern I have towards you. Sometimes I dont show it out. I dont know why but no big reason behind that. Sometimes I feel so innocent and lost, I need you to help me along the way. Sometimes I just wanna break down and cry or sometimes I just wanna shout so much that my face will crunch till I become a beast. Emotional I am and always will be. Sometimes I want someone to slap me so hard across my face to wake me up from my fantasy. A fantasy of laughters and a field of frowns. The REAL rachie, pandy and my family sees it at times. My best friends? They have yet to see it. Or is rachie afraid to show her moody (at times) self to them? Maybe she is just being manja (or rather childish).
Rachie, always trying to change for the better. I have changed ALOT since my younger days (15 yrs around there). Now I am almost 20 yrs, I have seen quite alot I guess. Been through tough times, both financially, emotionally and spiritually. Again they say that I am BLESSED. I know I am. Blessed that I am alive and satisfied. What more can people ask for? The sufferings in the other end of the world...can it compare to a bad grade? No. The kids in terrible poverty...can it compare to us not able to drink coke on a hot day? No. But yet we (that includes ME) still complain and pout. Some traits cannot be change. Some things cannot be change. I myself cannot do much about it. Only pray. Prayer is powerful. It is. Although people talk "pray also nothing happens..." it shows how much you care about the beauty of patience and knowing that sometimes things may not appear as they seem. Like I say everything happens for a reason...be it good or bad.
Michael Jackson did so much to help. Children in poverty. He helped. Earth. He helped. Look at him now, being scrutinised by the public. I feel so much for him. I dont know what is right and what is wrong but I do know that he has a compassionate heart. Something which many of us lack.
.love.devotion.feelings.emotions.
.dontbeafraidtobeweak.
.returntoyourself.
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