Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Orient beauty
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4:34 PM
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Rachael! You are a stupid dumbster! Why did you have to bring home those tapes? In return, you had to rush out straight away from your lovely sleep, (didnt even managed to brush my teeth) and change into my jeans and top and blew $25 on cab to and fro your home to your work place in lavender. Why? Cause you were not suppose to bring home those tapes! The office wanted it back asap. Sigh. Anyway, after I went there to return the tapes, felt so silly cause I was going back there again later at night. Night shift you see.And now, you are taking a short break typing this. Let's see, it's 11.18pm and you still have tapes after tapes to digitise. Not mentioning I still have to translate this china man's chinese to english, having to type out his chinese first then to english. Oh my goodness, it is harder then I thought. Half the time, I cant even make out what the china man is talking about. Bad chinese? Haha...more like ME being bad in that language.Oh well, I better go and check on avid three now.
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10:32 PM
Friday, July 22, 2005
Yesterday night was badI wish so much not to hurt you but it seems like whatever I do makes me like a foolAssumptions I feelbut you said that was not truealways feeling this wayI guess I have to changeChanges I said I have madebut it never seems to helpjokes and ridicule I shall stopin order to share some thoughtLoving and learning is essentialbut sometimes I feel lostlost in your web of feelingsunknowing what to feelSome parts you hateespecially when I walk awayI dont do that to spite youI just dont know what to doI know I can be eccentricat times I just lose itlosing my speech to silencesorry for my nonsenseI never meant for anythingI never meant for angerI never meant to hurt youI never meant to make you blue.
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2:59 PM
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Today is the third day of work. The feeling is funny. I dont have a proper place to sit. So sad. But it's okay.Although it has only been three days but it sure feels so long already! Let's see what I have been doing:Monday - Helped my colleague with some digitising and helped to edit this audition sequence. Went to have lunch with them. Ate $2 wanton mee. Quite nice. Left the office about six plus.Tuesday - Finished up the editing for the audition sequence and helped to export some still shots into JPEG. Ate roasted chicken rice for lunch. So-so.Wednesday - Did logging the whole day. Have to log 8 tape lady boss gave from china. I never really done logging before because we always take time codes on the spot. More efficient like that. That is why my fingers were feeling a little strained after writing non-stop on the log sheet for about 6 hours. Ate fish & chips. Not that nice.
What have I learnt? Nothing. Nothing yet.The train coming back home has been super duper pack! I was like "OMG!" literally. Everyone squeezes in and like everyone is jammed pack into an air tight container. Okay okay, maybe I am exaggerating a little, okay just think a No Doubt concert standing up. Got it?
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10:29 PM
Monday, July 18, 2005
I quote Darius rushes on one of his entries - " When I'm down, I just tend to bury myself in work and sometimes seclude myself from the rest of you. I don't hate you guys. Please understand. =) I pray we won't and never will come to a point where we became so.. competitive with one another. I mean, a little competition is good, but not to a point where we start lying and hiding. I want friends, not colleagues. In case you didn't know, colleagues can be people where smiles and lunches are fake. Backstabs and lies are real. "So sad but so true. I guess in reality, work is work. No matter how much you want to try to be genuine, your sincerity will not be taken into consideration. I guess why people say "Welcome to the Real world." I guess it is just how you depict it to be. Everyone has their differences. Best is to lead your life, love your loved/close ones and of course for me....love god.
i blogged @
11:38 PM
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Sometimes it is best just to carry on with your life and ignore unruly comments. Just mind your own business and do your part and your life actually will be less stressed. Why bother about such people when all you have to care and think about are the ones who really mean something to you like your loved and close ones. It is best just to do your work, mind your own and get the job done.
Ironically, my topic for my bible class today is "Failure To Love". I guess everything happens for a reason. I always trust in GOD and that he is always standing by me when times go tough. I always take every obstacle that comes along a way of GOD testing me and making me stronger. Like they say "what dosent kill you only makes you stronger". I live by that. BUT we are still humans. Emotions and feelings are always there. If you know what I mean. I believe if you are nice to people, then there is absolutely NO reason for them to be bad or gossip about you. If they do, then certainly you know what type of person they are. They may be jealous? Ha. That's what my mum always tells me when I was younger when my "ah-lian" friends used to be mean to me. My mum always seem to have a way with words.
I gotta go prepare my lesson. Talk about being a good teacher. I certainly dont think I am a good one. But I am trying my best. I really am.
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2:27 PM
Time passes so fast. Attachment is just a day away. I cant wait to work and just do my best. I guess being away from school for a while is a good thing.
I have to make my feelings known. My presentation did not go well at all. In fact, it was horrible. One of the worst point in school during my life. Honestly, I have always been a good student. Getting average grades and doing my job. As the editor and soundman, I dubbed almost all the voices and made an effort to put it in the footage. In return, Mr James says it wasnt good. I did editing every day from 930am to 545pm. Effort was not recognise because it was not even completed on the day of the presentation.
Disappointed. Sigh. I feel lost and stabbed? I dont know whether it is the right word to use but that's how I am feeling. Firstly, I never wanted to be in the same group as my partner. He even asked if he could be put into another group in the beginning of FYPJ because it's not really a good idea to work with your partner. I do admit that we have quarrels and our personal feelings got into work, but never did I once not do my part as a soundman or crew member. Sometimes these feelings are inevitible. I understand that my group members feel uncomfortable when a couple is in the group but I hope you understand that we never wanted to be in the same group at all. I feel that group members should tell each other how they feel about a situation whether they are unhappy etc...and maybe a resolution can be done for the better of the group. I know this is pure work and they are just expressing how they feel, and maybe I am sensitive but I guess that I am being sensitive only because , you are close to me.
Shooting at Gotham Penthouse was actually more fun than other shoots. Probably because of the music and crowd. Rach L told me that we should both do well for our modules in order for our grades to improve. Well, I have been really trying my best each and every time. I guess I get so hungry sometimes that I really wanna do more that sometimes I just get to negative in my own thinking that I am doing nothing. I guess this bad character in me has to go. It is pissing people off.
I guess as we grow older people tend to mature. Hope I will mature more day by day. And before I know it, after my attachment, I may become a NEW woman! Argh, who am I kidding right?
Hypocrites. What do you think about them? Talking good to two sides then saying bad about another.
I always believe that you should help someone who needs help if you can do so. I have always tried to help people when I can, but where is my help when I need some? Where is the comfort that I want? Other than my confidant, where is the rest? Being misunderstood is a sad thing. Pandy should know best. Honestly. I am not saying this just because I am his partner. But honestly, how can someone talk so much crap about someone they dont really know well enough. That happened to me before. A bunch of students did some online poll thing about me about 6 yrs ago. Long time ago I know, but I will never ever forget it. They wanted people to vote for my friend and I cause we were unfriendly and unpretty etc...all the nasty things you can think of. Childish "friends" I have. They dont understand - "because you dont really smile dosent make you unfriendly" " because you stick to your same friends dosent make you proud". Honestly, I was really hurt and upset (to a 14 yr old teenager trying to fit in) at that point but thank GOD for my angel Becky, she has always stood by me and kinda told them off like I said above, "how can they talk crap about you if they hardly know you."
I guess in life you will meet all sorts of people. The ones who only shows their true emotions to their love ones and not their friends. The ones who are nice and pals with you but they turn around and talk about how you dislike them. The ones who are simply plain nice to everyone. The ones who are crazy and seem happy all the time but in fact they arent happy at all. The ones who get so sensitive over small issues because everythings around them matters alot to them. I could go on about so much more different people. It seems like sometimes being yourself isnt good enough anymore.
I wanna do my best get my diploma and do my best again at another path."two tails and a storyboard"
i blogged @
1:45 AM
Monday, July 11, 2005
seriously feel fucked up today. I have serious problems about myself I guess. I didnt know I was such a terror till now. Honestly. I didnt know I can be scary. I thought I was quite timid. Thought wrong.I didnt know I can be quite a hand full till now. I didnt know that even my closest friends around me can fed up with me. What did I do wrong? I must FUCKING change my FUCKED UP attitude. I hate myself. 20 mins ago. I cried. Why? I dont know. Care? I doubt so. I feel clueless. Guide me.
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11:02 PM
